Coming Through - treatment 'script' - draft 2a

Coming Through - script draft 2a....there's already been a big bunch of changes since I've put this on paper...largely due to some more visualising, and some more input from 'quotes' and 'real-life stories i've come across...
and largely to make it a bit pithier...tighten up those images a bit...
I know it will change quite significantly again once i get pencil to screen in the next couple of days...





scene 1- dance and birth


rear view close-up of head...
she moves a little and is looking at herself in the mirror...a small smirk... a quizzical look... lean in to view...pensive, puzzled...excited, worried...a myriad of emotions crosses her face..
she stands back a little...
cradles, then rubs her belly ..tentatively, lovingly..
it is good...
she does a little twirl...another tippy-toes twirl...goes into camp ballet pose...leaps in the air...
comes back on screen in dramatic strides..she is now naked...splendidly naked with full breasts and full belly..


she whirls around..dancing like the hippopotamus in Disney's Fantasia – glorious and delightful...graceful and uncoordinated at the same time...she goes into pirouette...it turns faster and faster.....until she manages to come out of the spin...staggering to regain balance and un-dizziness!...she stumbles and squats...and with a Huge effort, she bears down..


out pops a baby twirling in mid-air..
lands in her very surprised) arms...she pauses...looks at it...looks at camera...





scene 2 - into the black hole


she is holding the baby (match cut) – still not quite sure what to do..
then realises...ahhh...this is great...she bounces the baby ion the air a few times..
catches him and holds him dearly...
looks into his eyes...a classic pose... morphs to vignette of rapid fire montage of Madonna & Child images then morphs back to her...holding him....she doesn't know what to think...
starts to looks a bit worried..


then terrified...
they meld closely into each other, and the image warps into a circular whorl....
blackness all around...and we descend into a black hole..


blackness...


a ghostly image of her face emerges... terrified look...
the image goes black again...then a letterbox-slot shaped gap appears...showing just her eyes...
blackness again...


then the letterbox shape appears again...it moves around the screen revealing brightly lit glimpses of happy suburban images...like from a Home magazine...from the 50's even... or TV sitcoms


the 'mask' shape transforms into the shape of the baby's head..then to the shape of her head...the ghostly image of her appears again, then fades to black.


scene 3 - blurry fudgey 'can't think' brain

from the blackness, an indistinct blurry blob-like figure emerges from a curved horizon...
it slowly and deliberately staggers towards the camera.... on a loop cycle so it never actually makes much progress – the ground keeps rolling back as it moves forward...
fuzzy and blurry miasma surrounds it..


suddenly a brightly coloured figure shoots in from o/s shouting “Heyyy!” - then off again.


The blur-figure keeps on walking...seemingly oblivious to the disturbance, but turns it's head to wards the noise...after the fact...
it moves everything very slowly, like in treacle


another loud noise/object on screen – the telephone jangling...again, the figure just walks past...turning to see what it was after the fact...


people running past... fast cars, kettles boiling,
snails moving at high speed
ghostlike image of her wafts in and out of visibility underneath that blurry-monster-figure..


"Brain like a sieve" image (from 'mummy')
- head pops open, brain flies out and is sieved of sense

thought bubble emerges...shows massive sequence of THINGS that Need Doing...list after list
include, washing, hanging nappies, cooking, shopping, doing nails, calendars and schedules and diary dates,
symbolise 'forgetfulness' - some things get ticked off, then immediately re-appear on the list


(Can't get anything done) - need to find a better visual solution for this...


morph into wider shot with that thought bubble being dispersed..
pull out further to reveal the vacuum cleaner "Desolator" (Melancholia model) sucking all her thoughts




scene 4 - anxious fears irrational panics


in car - stares at dashboard and controls..puts in gear to go forward, but reverses - uugh
puts flickers on, but it is windscreen wipers..aaarghhh....can't turn them off...highly anxious
turns lights on, but the hazard lights start up... hyperventilates


looks over shoulder to reverse back again and sees there's No baby in the capsule - Panic!
cut to the baby happily gurgling in it's cot


calmly at supermarket - (baby in trolley) - wide down shot of vast rows of shelves
- quite grey, with very bright 'On Special" signs and neon glow up the end of the aisle (the fridge sections)
she gets something from the shelf, but a few boxes fall off by accident...
suddenly a whole lot of things start falling off..including smashing bottles, spilling rice etc
close-up - panic face
she runs wildly up and down the aisles as things spontaneously explode off the shelves
she crouches in foetal position as more and more things fall
suddenly the shelves metamorphose into Monsters, with teeth and claws snarling at her.
neon light glow with intensity
- Eat, Guzzle, Hurry, Buy Now, Super special, you need it, you ain't got it, No good, expiring, etc


scene 5 - months of jetlag


sitting at the dinner table with family & friends (NB: cannot see faces of family or of Husband)
they all chatting away merrily - she is not eating anything - she keeps falling asleep..nodding off...face falls in plate of spag bol


?? another extreme tiredness image???


cut to - wide pan shot... moonlight streams through window onto baby in bassinette, sleeping soundly,
pan across to bed, with husband also sleeping soundly...some gentle snoring,
pan across to her... wide awake (frustrated look on her face)
zoom in and morph to close-up shot of her face...black rings under eyes, sour look on face, sighing...


Flash bulb - snaPshot of her looking dreadful... image becomes photograph (with polaroid-style borders)
maybe this then flips through an album...
everyone is smiling and happy and shiny..and she looks dreadful throughout


scene 6 - numb


the phone rings...she answers - it's a friend - 'do you want to meet me for coffee?' " no, no, i'm busy"
(she's sitting on the couch staring into space)
it rings again.. "is everything okay" "yes yes, I'm Fine, fine"
it rings again...
she quickly switches on the answering machine
messages pile up.."do you need some help?" " i'm popping up the shops, can pick up something for you"
" we're going down to the park with the kids, want to come?" "haven't seen you for ages.." etc etc
she calls her husband at the office (you can see he is surrounded by piles of paperwork and phones ringing and is busy as hell
" come home now" "why? what's happened?" " nothing, just come home"


husband is standing holding a bunch of flowers/heart balloons
she emerges from the horizon - walking like a zombie
she walks straight past him (he is baffled)
up to camera - a door flips open on her chest showing a fuse-box type row of switches
"legs/arms" ON, "voice" ON, "bodily functions" ON, "life, love, libido" OFF


she is lying on the couch - doing nothing
a gross monster thing emerges on top of her and engulfs her body...
she metamorphoses into a fat slobbering beast
with heavy-metal style t-shirt on and clashing music in background - TV flickering glow
magazine on the table with skinny supermodel images
box of chocolates on table in front of her which she mechanically eats then shoves in her mouth
all the while getting larger and larger and bursting at the seams

Pan around the room and through into the kitchen.
The place is a pigsty - clothes everywhere, dirty dishes, rats scurrying through..


on the TV is classic sequences from the Flintstones - Wilma vacuuming with the prehistoric animal machine etc,
and the Simpsons - Marge at the sink
and the Jetsons - Rosie the maid whizzing around


the image transforms to the opposite..
she is on the couch..in white outfit...skinny and emaciated
magazine on the table - crash diet tips,+ recipe books from Nigella Lawson et al.. Biggest Loser on the TV
there is beautiful platters of food and choccies and very delicious things everywhere..
she just stares at them


scene 7 - trapped


from what seems like a lovely suburban backyard, zero in on zoo-type cage
she is prowling around (like black panther) circling endlessly, howls intermittently


water fills screen, swirling and eddying.
pan up through water...a ghostly mirage of a figure through the water...splashing and gasping as if lost respirator
suddenly reach the surface and an arm shoot out of the water, waving furiously


not waving, drowning...


it disappears back below the surface...bubbles... glug glug


a plump lovely bum in shot - gently wiggling
suddenly a poker-hot brand shoots into scene enbedding a Capital "M' on the searing flesh.
sizzle and startle reaction...
pull out to show body, arms with classic "Mutha" tattoos - inking themselves all over her body


pan up to close-up of her head - she looks grim, troubled, annoyed
a bandage wraps itself around - she has a grim half-smile


pull put to wide shot of her travelling through shot
strapped on a trolley (called the 'Taedium Vitae")
being pulled by the grey fuzzy monster with blinkers on like a horse
it goes on and on and on...all in the one direction (she wobbles to gain her balance)




scene 8 - go back/trade in


gurgling bright eyed baby centre shot - zoom in on sweetly smiling face
her face morphs into baby face - worried look
zoom out to her in foetal crouch - the image starts swirling, and pulling out to primordial soup whirlpool
the central core is/was her/baby and now sperms emerge swirling in the whirl
suddenly it comes to a halt...the central core is an 'egg' and there is One sperm about to penetrate when it suddenly HALTS
the egg has a very cross and suspicious look on its face


(need sequence for 'useless as mother') guilt


focus on sleazy smarmy looking guy in cheap plaid suit smoking cigar and spruiking
leaning against door jamb in what looks like a 2nd hand car yard...
..banners and bunting and those air powered dropsy clown things that look oh-so-sinister
pull out to reveal it's a second hand baby yard...each baby has a banner/sign/price-tag style..
only one owner, regularly serviced etc etc


focus on our baby..sweetly gurgling... sign says 'hopeless mother' (or similar)


scene 9 - the masks


she is standing center shot with a big obviously pasted on smile
body turns to stone like a statue
the stone cracks - pieces crumble and drop off (venus de Milo)
and the fake smile crashes to the ground along with the rubble

she is standing centre shot in a neat business suit outfit
the image becomes papered over with hundred dollar bills to form a papier-mache version of her
suddenly all the money blows off and fritters away in the wind - nothing left


she is standing centre shot in sexy black dress
everything catches fire - she is engulfed in flames
the charred body then melts to a waxy blob


she is standing center shot dressed in WonderWoman garb
she leaps in the air - flying like a superhero clutching the baby under her arm
suddenly all her outfit falls off (like the bikini vanishing in the waves)
and she's left embarrassingly trying to cover her nakedness, poised mid-air


scene 10 - waterworks
a gush of water erupts into the scene
it covers the screen and forms a whirlpool
pan up to downshot of water tank (the whirlpool is in the tank)
the water level is diminishing
pull out to show exterior and tap on outside of the tank
close-up on tap... the last drips are coming out... drip drip...drip...
follow drips down..offscreen


suddenly a volcano emerges
a gushing explosion starts again...spewing more tears


night time
wide open vacant outback highway
from a long way in the distance, a small 'vehicle' is travelling towards us
follow pan towards a dimly lit servo in the middle of nowhere..like an old fashioned 'shell'
the vehicle rolls to a stop - it is a bed and she is lying tucked in - asleep.
a laconic attendant with fag hanging from corner of mouth pumps from a bowser..
the name of the servo is "tears" (like an old 'shell' sign)
- the bowsers are "Sorrow" "joy" "pain" "no reason" (the one she is filled with)


fade to black

exterior of small dark cupboard under the stairs
the door swings open - she is crouched inside - crying a shower of tears
in the shower - the shower head is a dribble, but her tears come out like a shower
walking the pram in sunshine wearing hat - tears stream down like a shower

scene 11 - tantrums


close-up of her face...she is tearing hair out, grimacing and screaming..
the shower of tears continue
she grabs a sandwich from off screen waving it wildly
- "You put the wrong cheese in my sammwich"
she bends down and grabs at a pair of shoes..moves them two inches to the side
- "you put the shoes in the wrong spot"
she stands up reaching out to a perfectly straight picture on the wall & adjusts it to be crooked
- " the picture isn't straight"
cutaways to
her husband fuming
her mother-in-law grimacing and snorting and huffing
her best-friend shaking with frustration

long slow shot of her naked - saggy breasts, stretch marks on belly, limp hair, sad blank face
a ghostly image of her husband reaching out to comfort her...
then a number of people circle the frame..reaching out to comfort her..
she looks frantically each way
more people join in a circle of comfort...she looks very concerned
the circle begins to swirl
they suddenly turn into a whole group of people angrily Pointing at her, shouting and yelling 'advice'
she is ' hopeless', useless, try this, try that etc etc
she crouches back into foetal position...terrified...eyes closed
until the 'circle' transforms back into 'reality' - the people have their hands out to help..
murmuring encouraging words
she sits up.


something clicks!


scene 12 - the road from crazy


a long highway road in sharp perspective - no features in landscape
she emerges (from behind camera) walking towards the horizon (pan cycle loop)
a small glimmer in the distance - she keeps walking towards it as we follow track towards it also.
she stops.
it is a large collection of neon signs flashing and glowing..arrows pointing to the centre of the road
signs say "nutcase", "loony", fruitloop", crazy", a theatre banner.."now showing: tonight: "she's completely Mental!!!" etc
she looks up and around.
shudders, cowers,
then a sense of resolve in her posture...
she stands tall, and decides to just walk on through.


crane shot up to show the neon signs left behind and she continues walking the road towards horizon


the road and atmosphere dim...as we enter a dark thick forest area..
pan through acres and acres of forest, trees, vines, obstacles.
we can't really see her, but there is crashing and thrashing and grunting sounds,
and a visible disturbance as she makes her way through the shot
a small sunlit clearing towards the end...faint sunlight glows on a grassy patch as she enters...


scene 13 - knowledge = recovery


close-up of her face...
cogs and wheels grind over in her head..forehead...her brain is ticking over...
an image of a classical library emerges in the picture.."Knowledge is Power"
flipping through books, scrolling through websites...slow on a page here or there
- useful, but overly simple information usually...e.g
"childbirth is a very big event in a woman's life and you may feel a little overwhelmed"
hmmmph...
she imagines: exterior of simple suburban house...
a glowing smoking grenade flings in from off screen - lands on the doorstep with a huge explosion -
- the smoke clears - a startled but smiling baby is sitting on the doorstep..
(add another 'homily' and then her cynical imaginary reaction to it's simplicity..)

she turns and stares at the black fuzzy monster who is standing there swaying and looking menacing.
"I will beat this!"
she goes into ninja/karate pose...hai hai hai! and gives it a swift kick in the shins


give some practical tips here - e.g. 'make a list of One thing'
maybe show this by clicking on a webpage that gives info about help
maybe a phone call to panda?
(there should emerge some kind of visual practical solution for the film here!!- in time...more workshopping required!!)


a chequerboard background...
ladders emerge.... we follow-up a ladder..get to the top and suddenly a snake appears - and we go back down..
repeat this image in various combinations... the big snake takes us back to square one at the end..
inter-cut with her reactions...
at the end of this shot...her reaction is Totally determined and this time we see her step up the ladder again


scene 14 - jigsaw


repeat image of the long highway in perspective- this time, trees line the road..
she is off camera...we see from her perspective
POV shot- travelling the road continuously as the leaves on the trees go through the 'seasons'
autumn, winter, spring, summer, autumn, winter, spring, summer..etc
dolly around to view her, loop cycle, walking walking.
it is a beautiful sunny day...she has a dark black cloud over her head and is in shadow.
the cloud starts to chip, and break up..and vanish..
through the cracks in the cloud is husband and baby and friends and family waving and cheering.
cloud vanishes to leave blue sky...
jigsaw pieces start falling from the sky...
they land in place on screen...
as the final one clicks into place, it is an image of her holding the baby.
smiling!


close-up on her face...
the smile is at first coy (mona lisa-ish)
and then she smirks... like a show of contrition and also inner strength
and then she laughs...a little one..
until it's a huge belly laugh - "got my sense of humour back"


end credits with some gags??

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